7 Mother’s Day Gifts That Will Guarantee You’ll Spend the Night on the Couch

Give your wife any of these crappy Mother’s Day gifts and you’ll be looking for a new place to sleep.

Guys are not exactly known for their ability to pick out the perfect gift.  And with Mother’s Day just a few days away there is bound to be a lot of last minute scrambling to bring home something (anything!)  to make the women in our lives happy.

But you’d better choose your gift wisely or you’ll suffer the wrath of an angry woman…which is much, much worse than the Wrath of Khan.

KHAAAAAANN!!

Here are 7 Mother’s Day gift ideas that you should avoid at all costs…

Nothing

For those of you who are new to the female gender, women have a tendency of saying things that are completely opposite to how they really feel.

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For example, a woman may insist she doesn’t need or want a Mother’s Day gift when in reality she’s expecting you to read her mind and bring home the perfect gift.  Failure to do so can result in consequences that are too horrible to print here.

Trust me…no matter how many times she tells you really doesn’t want you spending money on a Mother’s Day gift, you’d better be damned sure you don’t come home empty handed.

Small Appliances

You’ve heard your wife complain about the blender and the vacuum a million times, so it’s only logical you’d want to replace it for her.  But Mother’s Day is not the time for replacing small appliances and you should know better.

She’s expecting flowers, perfume, or a piece of jewelry…not a microwave.  Think about it from her point of view.  When you give her a Panini press as a gift you’re basically saying, “Get in the kitchen and make me a sammich!”

You don’t have to follow our advice of course, but if you do bring home a waffle maker for Mother’s Day be prepared to duck!

Anything that is Really for You

There’s an old episode of The Honeymooners in which Ralph buys his wife Alice a bowling ball bag.  The only problem is Alice doesn’t bowl, but Ralph does.

Needless to say his gift doesn’t go over very well.

If you’re buying your wife a gift, make sure it is for her…not something for you in disguise.

Coupon Books

Lots of sites put a coupon book on their list of “Best Mother’s Day gifts” but in reality it’s a really crappy gift.  Sure it sounds nice to create a homemade gift with coupons that your wife can exchange for hugs, free dinners, or other favors.  But it won’t be so cute when the coupons gather dust in the drawer or when you always have an excuse not to accept them.

The truth is a coupon book is adorable when coming from one of her kids.  But coming from her husband it just looks pathetic.

Name a Star After Her

I remember as a kid hearing those “star registry” commercials playing on the radio.  As a space/science geek I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

As an adult I see it more as a novelty, and an expensive one at that.  I checked out one popular website that allows you to name a star after a loved one and the prices ranged from the expensive ($54 for an unframed certificate) to the absurd ($489 for a framed certificate and star chart).

While it may seem romantic to honor your wife by naming a star after her as the gift will last billions of years, you’re running the risk of her going supernova over your choice of gifts.

A Cemetery Plot

As crazy as it sounds I actually know someone who almost did this for his wife a few years ago. They had been discussing making burial plans so they could assure themselves a place in the same cemetery where both sets of parents were already buried, and he figured he’d surprise her with a plot of her own as a Mother’s Day gift.

I told him he was crazy and that if he actually went through with his plan he might as well lay down in the plot himself.  Fortunately he came to his senses and a gruesome murder scene was avoided.

Exercise Equipment

You can argue all you want that this gift is all about being healthy, but all she’ll hear is how fat she is.  And that goes for everything from $1500 treadmills to Carmen Electra’s Lap Dance Workout DVD.

So what do women want for Mother’s Day?  Well, you should know your wife better than anyone else but the key is finding something that is just for her and makes her feel appreciated.  A bottle of nice perfume or a pair of earrings always goes over well.  Or perhaps a gift certificate to a spa so she can pamper herself a little?

Whatever you decide just make sure you steer clear of the 7 items listed here.  If you ignore our advice, you’re on your own!

Moms, what are you hoping to receive for your Mother’s Day gift this year?

 

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Mike is a freelance writer and blogger who specializes in finance and parenting topics. He is a dedicated husband and father of three who is obsessed with creating multiple streams of income and building wealth so he can achieve true financial freedom for his family. Like what you're reading? Subscribe to our free RSS feed and follow us on Twitter.

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Comments

  1. Honestly, all I want is time to be left alone to read. Maybe some nice chocolate. Although I like the gift certificate to the spa idea. But, really, if you buy me some nice dark chocolate, and agree not to bother me for two or three hours. I’m pretty well set.

  2. When people talk about the fun of couch-surfing, this is NOT what they mean.

  3. I love the “Nothing” part because it is very true

  4. When your wife says, “… you don’t have to get me anything…” that is the nastiest leg hold trap possible, go out and buy her a car, and you might be close to doing the right things…

  5. Hi Mike,

    LOL, these are funny ideas to me, as I would never think to give my mom any of these. Great ideas as to what NOT to do, though! :) I suppose it all depends on the individual mom, as Miranda stated above, all she wants to do is read, so it’s important to be honed into what SHE wants.

  6. You have definitely created the perfect image of the female mind! Everything you have said is absolutely true about what “moms” think of when it comes to crappyMother’s Day gifts. I like Miranda would just love an afternoon all to myself even if it is to do nothing…no one saying can you find this, mommy I’m hungry, can you help me with this.

  7. I love this post.It’s hilarious. The what not to do angle is very clever.

    I must say we don’t stress to much about mothers day. It isn’t that big in our families. A phone call or dinner maybe but that is it. We try to show appreciation all year long.

  8. It’s so true what you say about women “saying things that are completely opposite to how they really feel”. I’ve reached the age where I don’t want to be reminded on my birthday of how old I am so I tell everyone I’m not celebrating my birthday when in fact I’m secretly hoping they’ll ignore what I say and throw me a surprise party. But when it comes to receiving gifts, I think I’d prefer nothing over a burial plot! Don’t get me wrong, funeral arrangements are important but a burial plot is far from what the ideal gift for a woman on her birthday, Mother’s Day or any other special day.

    Megan, webmaster for http://www.cheapfuneralinsurance.co.za

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