Oh boy. Halloween is almost here and you still haven’t picked up any candy to give trick or treaters?? Do you want to get your house covered with eggs and toilet paper?
Ok let’s not panic.
I said don’t %#&!%$ panic!!
There are plenty of other things you can give trick or treaters right? For example…
Who needs artificial flavors when you can have some naturally sweet and tasty fruit? When the kids give you that look of confusion and disbelief just explain that eating an apple will help clean their teeth of all the candy and snacks they will be feasting on. Then duck.
It’s a Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown set the precedent, so now you should feel free to give kids rocks instead of candy. I would suggest quickly dropping a few rocks in each bag and hopefully the trick or treaters won’t even realize they’ve been had until they get home. But drop them in carefully otherwise it could tear right through the bottom of their bag and the tears will start falling.
What’s the next best thing to real candy? Pictures of candy! I’m sure you’ve got a few supermarket flyers laying around the house. Just cut out the pictures of candy and pass them out as a kind of IOU.
Cold Hard Cash! Most kids would be happy to receive a little cash instead of candy so you can’t go wrong here. But save your old subway tokens and Canadian coins for another time…unless you happen to live in Canada in which case it’s perfectly acceptable, eh.
Since giving out cash can get a bit expensive, you might want to give out unused coupons instead. Thirty-Five cents off Shake and Bake? Woo hoo!
How many old magazines do you have laying around the house? Instead of just tossing them in the trash, give them to some lucky trick or treaters. You’ll be doing them a favor by getting them to read more…and any magazine with Kim Kardashian on the cover definitely counts as a treat!
Still got some old baseball cards from when you were young? What kid wouldn’t want his very own Steve Balboni card?
Bacon! Seriously, who doesn’t love bacon?? You’ll have a line around your block as soon as word gets out you’re giving out crispy and delicious bacon.
Finally, for you ladies who are feeling particularly festive, just answer the door in your sexiest Halloween costume. Just don’t be surprised if all the neighborhood dads start ringing your bell too.
Happy Halloween everyone!