Okay, I admit it…I’m a bit of a Star Wars nerd. I used to beg my dad non-stop for the newest Obi-Wan or Admiral Ackbar figures. And I completely wore out my VHS tapes of the original trilogy until they were virtually unwatchable (much like any of the prequels when Natalie Portman was not on screen).
So as I sat brainstorming for new ideas to write about, I naturally wondered what the great Lord Vader would do to save some cash.
I mean let’s face it, running a Galactic Empire isn’t cheap. And how embarrassing would it be to call home to Emperor Palpatine begging for beer money?
So here you are…Darth Vader’s top 5 tips for saving money:
- Some of your senior officers nearing retirement age? Not a problem. Just use the force to choke them to death before they’re eligible for retirement benefits. Cha-Ching!
- Shields are expensive…way too costly to install on tens of thousands of TIE fighters. Replacing pilots killed in action is much more cost effective. On the other hand, you may want to shell out the cost of shielding exhaust vents on massive, planet-destroying space stations. Especially when they lead directly to the main reactor where a single torpedo could destroy a trillion dollar installation. I’m just saying.
- Suddenly realize you made a bad deal and want to get out of it? Just say you’re changing the terms of the contract. Then lean in close, and in your most menacing voice say, “Pray I don’t alter them any further.” It helps if you have a regiment of highly-trained Stormtroopers backing you up.
- Outsource some of your less desirable jobs to some good old-fashioned bounty hunter scum. You only pay when the job is complete, they’re not entitled to benefits, and they don’t even need a company car. Just don’t complain if Boba Fett gets carried away and incinerates someone you wanted alive.
- No one likes paying for insurance, but it can be a life saver if you suffer a serious financial disaster. Our favorite Sith Lord used the insurance money from the first Death Star to build a bigger and more powerful version.
There were some pretty scandalous rumors at the time that Vader took out a huge policy on the first Death Star just a week before it was destroyed…by a handful of out-dated and out-gunned fighter ships no less. Pretty convenient how he decided to step outside for a smoke just minutes before the whole thing blew, huh?
Latest posts by Mike Collins (see all)
- 5 Things You Should Never Buy at Costco - October 23, 2014
- Are You Sure Your Life Insurance Beneficiary Designations Are Set Up Properly? - October 21, 2014
- Keep Warm Without Burning Through Your Budget - October 17, 2014